How to Stop Runaway Thoughts
This week has been a bit of a carousel – a week of travel, sandwiched between weeks of travel – juggling work and volunteering and a (modest) social life – meeting deadlines – and of course, supporting the three kids and partner with whatever’s big in their lives right this very moment.
People think I’m a very calm person.
I’m actually just a quiet person.
…
Everyone panics, sometimes 😱
This week, I’ve spoken to a lot of people about things that worry, frustrate and anger them.
At a work conference, people shared their worries about the impact of anti-migrant rhetoric on the UK general election, and also the burden of living as a racialised person in a racist society.
With friends and colleagues, I’m hearing the pressure to get everything done, before the month is out, and watching the slow crawl towards burnout.
At home, we try to be honest with each other about what worries us most – kids and adults – but that also means a painful clarity, sometimes, about how vulnerable and scared we can all feel. About exams, about making friends, about money – and about whether we’re ever going to be good enough.
Thinking is great, but overthinking can really stuff us up 🤯
Mostly, I don’t like seeing people I care about in distress. That’s why I talk about stuff, and why I try to help.
Here what I do:
- try to interrupt the cycle – take a deep breath, change your position or your location – maybe even just look out the window, or away from what you’re doing. Literally, try to get a different perspective.
- name and accept the emotion – you are upset, overthinking and anxious because you care about something. That something is important to you. You don’t have to justify that or feel bad about it.
- list the things you can control and list the things you can’t control – if you put everything on the “things you can control” list, start again. You’re not being kind enough to yourself.
- most deep-seated, repetitive worrying is also linked to uncontrollable stuff – external factors like what your competition looks like, what other people think about you, what you could have done or what you should have said etc. that you don’t actually have any control over.
- let go of the stuff you can’t control 🎈
- do something that makes you feel good
But wait…shouldn’t I be worrying?
Yes, and no.
I know it feels counter-intuitive to down tools and take a break, when you are urgently trying to get something done.
But if you take a step back (and see what your friends and colleagues see) you might realise that your efforts, whilst effortful, are more like spinning your wheels in the mud, driving yourself deeper and deeper into stuckness – when you need a change of perspective, a helping hand and a Plan B to get the job done.
(I have done this, literally and metaphorically. Thank you Mr Anonymous Man who helped me build a ramp from beach pebbles and then covered himself in mud while pushing my sinking van out of a place I should never have driven it. You’re a star, and apologies to your lovely partner – who probably had to help you wash all that mud off afterwards.)
👋🏽 Thanks again for reading this week!
Let me know if there’s something that really helps you stop those runaway thoughts, or if you have a friend or family member who has a great trick for helping you take a break, when you’re not seeing the big picture yourself.
First published on LinkedIn on 28 June 2024:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-stop-runaway-thoughts-jen-ang-fyloe
