Embracing Critical Feedback
“Debrief?” “Sure.”
When someone offers honest (and critical) feedback, after you’ve delivered a meeting or a piece of work you’re not feeling confident about, is that a welcome suggestion, or do you start panicking?
Context is everything
Depends on who’s offering, and how you feel about them, right?
Trust matters. A trusted colleague or friend, someone who’s demonstrated a real interest in your success and wellbeing, will be easier to take feedback from than someone who you mistrust. It is particularly hard to take critical feedback from someone, if you suspect their motives.
But the truth matters too. Having said that, people you mistrust – even people who are your competitors or who are wholly opposed to what you do, or who you are – can offer useful feedback. Lawyers know this well. Examining the best arguments of your opponents is the quickest way to understand and address your own greatest weaknesses.
Critical feedback is a gift 🎁
Most people dislike being told they’re wrong, or what they’ve done could be improved. This usually (but not always) generates feelings of guilt, shame, sadness and sometimes anger.
Could be this is because we associate ourselves too closely with our ideas, and our work. Might be, we have forgotten that very few things we are skilled at, were perfect, or even close to competent, the first time we tried.
Opening the gift, or returning it – that’s up to you
Yesterday, Andrew Burnett and I delivered a workshop for Diffandnet on the rights of neurodiverse people. I have designed a lot of training on human rights and equalities over the years, but this was a new audience, and new material – and I felt a bit uneasy going into the session.
Afterwards, I asked Andrew for feedback. Now, I am brutal with my feedback to people closest to me, and Andrew – being autistic and also good at self-regulation – takes that feedback really well.
His feedback to me: I should have opened by making it clear that I am neurotypical, that I had made the mistake of presenting the workshop about rather than for/with neurodiverse people, oh also – that I had shared my screen with the presenter’s notes, for the entire hour, and no one (including him) had said anything to me. 😱
(PS: If you are a seasoned trainer, you will know that your presenter’s notes should always be 100% correct and proper. Also, close all the apps other than the screens you need, before you hit the Share Screen button or plug any external display cable into your laptop. Guess how I learned those lessons? 😂)
The Moment of Truth
Despite all I say, and how I hold and deliver feedback to others, that was hard feedback to hear – because Andrew was right. And it had been a long day. Like a really, really long day.
I’m proud to report that I moved into solution-focused mode, rather than getting defensive, going on the attack, or worse still, subjecting Andrew to some sort of undeserved cross-examination on the sofa. (Again, such a lawyer move!)
We’re redesigning the workshop this morning, so we will co-deliver the contents today. Andrew’s role will largely be to hold critical challenge to my material – asking how practical it is to tell people to claim their rights in a world where discrimination is pervasive, systemic and harmful for people, every day.
We don’t have much time and that means it will be much rougher and a bit riskier than what I delivered yesterday – but we’re taking today as an opportunity to create something better than yesterday.
Take a break: some great resources on neurodiversity 🧠
Thanks for reading again this week. If you’re curious about exploring resources about neurodiversity created by autistic people, we’ve found some really wonderful materials to share.
If you have 3-5 minutes, take a look at:
- Wendy Ferguson, an autistic Scottish woman, reading her poem about being “normal,” titled My Magic
- Six short films called Embrace Autism for late diagnosed autistic adults, but a great and accessible introduction for everyone on autistic identity, from Autistic Knowledge Development CIC and The National Autistic Society
👋🏾 Have a lovely weekend & see you next week!
First published on LinkedIn on 26 April 2024:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/embracing-critical-feedback-jen-ang-0zpoe/
