How to Try and Fail (Better)
Yesterday, I wrote and submitted a bid for work that is being publicly tendered. Straight away, I doubted if I had done the right thing.
Our proposal isn’t going to get picked…it’s not my best piece of work…we’re not the biggest or most experienced of the competition…I’m so embarrassed…..not sure I wanted the work anyway.
Trying to pull myself out of this tailspin of doubt, I tried to remind myself of what I’ve so often said to others:
Don’t look back
What’s done is done – this is now out of your hands, and with others to decide. You can’t control the outcome of that decision; or at least, you’re not going to change anything with this little flurry of self-doubt.
Trust yourself that last week’s decision to put yourself out there was probably the right one.
You can’t win, if you don’t play
When I lived in Connecticut in the 1990s, the wee bodega around the corner from my apartment sold tickets for the Connecticut lottery. This was the sign they had in the window.
Whilst I don’t play the lottery, the simple truth of that message stuck with me.
After uni, when I started applying for jobs, it became clear really quickly that there might be a 5% chance that I would get an interview for any one application I submitted – but there would be a 100% chance of no interviews, if I never got around to applying.
The playing field is not level, so stop wishing it was
Let’s be honest: rejection and vulnerability is hard. But it is also harder for some people, who are going to get rejected more often – because they are different, or seem different – they took an unusual career path, they are racially or religiously minoritised, they had fewer advantages starting out in life, they are foreign, they are disabled or neurodiverse.
I think that, actually, the majority of us are different or disadvantaged in some ways, and can probably relate to something in the paragraph you just read.
I also think that, whilst we should do everything we can – individually and where we have power – to level that playing field for others, it is really counterproductive to wish that things are going to be different for you, this time, when others hold the power and call the shots.
I know that sounds disempowering, but actually for me, thinking in this way can flip the narrative on the impact of systemic inequality and discrimination, at least one event or episode at a time.
The world needs people like you
I like people that doubt themselves. I think it’s a very human thing, and usually suggests that a person is compassionate, principled and has some sense of perspective about their place in the world.
But our own doubt sometimes holds us back from seizing the opportunities that can be the making of us.
So, how do we fail, better?
How we deal best with disappointment is a very individual thing. I don’t know what works for you, but I do know that trying and failing is how I learned most of the things that I know now.
I also know that getting better at failing, also makes me better at trying. And one of the greatest things that a parent or a boss can do for you, is to make it safe for you to try and fail, for as long as possible, before you have to go out into the world and do this all by yourself.
So, I’d love to hear what you do to ease a hard landing, when you are feeling rejected, let down or disappointed.
For me (and I listened to this a lot this week), I put some tunes on and go for a looooong walk.
My playlist would have to start with something like this:
First published on LinkedIn on 10 May 2024:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-try-fail-better-jen-ang-yephe/
